Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
