i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
