It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
