you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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