i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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