did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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