Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize