I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
