"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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