Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
