I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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