dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
