dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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