Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Randomize
