Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
