covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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