Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
