So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
