I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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