i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
