...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
