I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
