They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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