He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So here I am, sexting at work.
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