sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
