Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
