go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
