Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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