I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
