you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
