I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
