Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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