apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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