i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
