Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
