Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
