You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
