i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
