the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and she was petting her beer can
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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