Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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