A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize