I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
