google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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