Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
