the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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