I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
