you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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