He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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