You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
