Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
