Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
