i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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