guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
