im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
