Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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