Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
