There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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