Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
