I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Everything about him screamed your future.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have post one night stand depression
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