apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
