...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize